Happy Birth...day... Mister... Presi...dent...

Whether I want to be or not, as of fifteen minutes ago, I am nineteen.



(This was about the only acceptable picture that encompassed one's 19th birthday on Google. The others...well, you google "nineteenth birthday" and see what comes up...you know, aside from the other pictures I'm about to use.)

Going through all of these pictures I Googled though, a thought hit me: there's a lot of shit I won't be getting this year. That includes:



cake. (And a brief story about this particular cake - YES, it's real! The woman whose cake this was made her 5-year-old son have a piece for breakfast. And he hated it. She then let him have a hot dog for breakfast instead. She's officially my favorite person ever now. I can't wait to do that with my kids on upcoming birthdays - FORCE THEM TO EAT CAKE FOR BREAKFAST ON MY BIRTHDAY! And then probably not let them do so on their own birthday. Mwahahahahahahaha. This, of course, assuming I even have kids...)



present(s). Yes, seriously.



cool hybrid cake-presents.



mid nineteenth-century silverware.



birthday parades. screw you, William Shakespeare.



Chris, singing to me in his spiffy little cute suit. You're off the hook...this year.

It's just as well I guess...right? I usually let somebody ruin my birthday, either by caring too much about whether or not their enjoying themselves or what-not, so someone probably would've tainted any of those things above anyway. But they'd still be nice...

So! A few other tidbits about my birthday to fill up the remaining 19 hours my friends have to ruin it! My birthday, April 13th, is also:

-the ides of April. Beware, folks. Beware. :-O
-Thai New Year.
-Cambodian New Year.
-Vaisakhi. (I dunno either.)
-Aerosmith Day in Massachusetts.

I also happen to celebrate my birthday with:



Thomas Jefferson (264 years old today!)



Caroline Rhea (43 years old today!)



Rick Schroder (37 years old today!)



Lou Bega (the Mambo #5 guy, people) (32 years old today!)



Kyle Howard (I LOVE his eyebrows.) (29 years old today!)



Nellie McKay (25 years old today!)



Kayla Sharon Porter (my twin sister) (19 years old today! Can you believe it?!)

Happy Birthday to all of these people I [always have to] share my [damn] birthday with. Let's all make an effort to make the best of it, ok?

24 Hours.

In exactly 24 hours and 10 minutes, I will be precisely 19 years old.

Just felt like stating that. :\

You Can Deal With Chris...

I'm a little annoyed at myself for being pretty involved in American Idol this year. I mean, in a way, it's kind of hard not to be seeing as how it's the #1 show in the country. And I guess "involved" is a pretty vague term, because I usually just pick a guy I think is hot and a girl I think is cute and go along with it. However, I have a tendency to pick the ones who are actually talented so there's reason to back them. I will admit, in the girls department, I haven't always been spot on (Jasmine Trias, any hardcore Idol fans?). However, I've yet to be wrong with the boys, and this year is no exception.

My cause for this year, as well as my future husband, is the scorchingly gorgeous Christopher Michael Richardson, born February 19, 1984. (Gotta love the stalkers over at Wikipedia.) The boy is beautiful. Have you seen the pictures? YOU HAVEN'T?! Don't worry, you'll agree with me in a moment.

If you read a bunch of reviews on the show, Chris tends to polarize people who watch - you either love him and sing his praises endlessly, or loathe him and use every chance possible to call him a nasally Justin Timberlake-wannabe. Is that seriously the only thing you can come up with? I mean, last time I checked, there are but so many types of singing voices, not to mention that almost everyone sounds the same when they sing (do you ever hear a Jamaican or British accent in some of today's songs?), so of course being a tenor "like Justin" the comparisons will be made. But I'm sorry if I think that Chris is a legitimately better singer. I mean, for one thing, he doesn't rely on the use of falsetto for an entire song. (He also doesn't use his next single to prove the mantra: "Don't cheat. Otherwise you'll end up in a fiery car crash. And presumably die.") He rarely ever relies on falsetto, he just happens to have a (FULL) higher pitched voice. And yet all of the Chris-bashers (an alarming amount of them female - angry lesbians much?) use these as their only point in his criticisms. He's nasal and he sounds like Justin Timberlake. You're whiny and you sound like a dumb bitch. Moving on.

Another blatantly obvious reason I support Mr. Richardson. You can deal with this:



...or you can deal with that:



You can deal with this:



...or you can deal with that:







Yes, Chris. I don't know what that is either. Now somebody tell me this man is not worthy of siring some sexy little babies with you. (Or me. Preferably me.)

So. In addition to his hottitude, fans seem to be very involved in Chris' personal life. From the speculation on the "girlfriend" (or "girlfriend: HAAAAAAAY!" ?) to his involvement with other AI contestants and M-list celebrities, none of the rumors are juicier or more fun to fantasize about than Cake.




Cake is the term coined for the relationship between Chris and fellow competitor/"friend" Blake Lewis. (Cake, in case you didn't catch on, being the combination of Chris and Blake. And although I'm all for the idea of Chris being single (so he can marry me! duh!), I actually don't mind their perfectly natural yet deliciously homoerotic friendship. In addition to being hotties, it's giving gay guys around the world more reason to love them.

Talented, boyfriend rumors, HOT like Phoenix in August...Chris definitely gets an A++ in my book. Now all I have to do is get him to marry me. Kyle-Steven Richardson...has a nice ring, doesn't it?



I second that hottie's opinion. ;)

Ice On My Toes And On My Fingers And I'm A Taurus Aries!

If you haven't caught on yet, my birthday is Friday. And in the US, most of the time Fridays means movie releases, so everyone can go waste their money on the weekend.

The following are the movies that are coming out on my birthday (more than any other date this month...yay me):





Now. A lot of these movies look bad. Like, REALLY FUCKING BAD. That doesn't mean I won't be looking forward to a few of them though. Perfect Stranger? Sign me up! (As long as I don't have to pay for it.) I also want to see Disturbia and possibly Lonely Hearts, as they seem to be the only ones on this list close enough to being legitimately good. I will, however, be seeing the movie being made for my favorite TV show, EVER.

Ok, maybe not EVER. That title goes to Invader ZIM.





ZIM was the story of a misanthropic alien (aren't they all?) who also happened to be a megalomaniac and an idiot. His mission was to take over the Earth. (again, aren't they all?) The problem was, he sucked at it. Badly. His idiot robot (which fanboys of the show to stupid to see it for all of it's brilliance peg as being the only reason the show was funny, even though it WASN'T the only reason by a long shot) didn't help matters either. Despite his seemingly lacking intelligence, I am obviously the human real-life equivalent of ZIM. The picture above shows what ZIM looked like on a regular basis. And this is what he looks like after his disguise:





(I kinda think he looks like me. :D)

The best part about it was, only one (well two I suppose, if you count Dib's sister) person was aware that ZIM was an alien, despite it being painfully obvious. With a generally misanthropic undertone, the endless exploitation of stupid people, bouts of randomness (which I live for), the twisted art and the even darker sense of humor, ZIM was the best show ever made, EVER. Unfortunately it aired on Nickelodeon and because it was a happy-go-lucky sponge who lived in fucking luau headgear, it was cancelled. Cartoon Network's [adult swim] tried to obtain the rights to air it, but Nickelodeon, probably seeing what [adult swim] did for Family Guy, didn't sell them the rights. In a way this irks me because all the potential for more brilliance was squandered, but I suppose it also maintains the integrity of the show by leaving it be.

Just a few more pics from the show:








If it's brilliance escapes you, I fear you have the brain worms. Hideous human pig smelly.

Anyway, with ZIM gone (but now on DVD! I have #1 and 3. Someone should get me #2. Do I hear birthday wish list?!), I moved on to Aqua Teen Hungerforce.





I can't really offer an intelligent explanation about the show, because really it can't be explained. And as I believe it says on their official site, if you have to ask what it's about, it's probably not a show for you. Anyway, the movie comes out on - surprise! - my birthday. I plan to go see it, even if half of Boston won't. (See what I'm talking about here.)






Will it be a crappy movie? Maybe. But as a true fan (and someone who's not really looking forward to my birthday), I plan to revel in it's possible crappiness.

Anyone care to join me?





Don't lie. Because if you do, they'll find you. And kick your ass. Check, check it.

Crusty Tear Ducts.

One of my best friends, Kelly, when joined with me, is stupid. Here's a conversation we had on AIM. (I'm changing our screen names...god knows we both don't need any more stalkers.) The funny part is, everything I mention with the birthday part is true.

kelly (2:11:17 AM): my page is so depressing i love it
kelly (2:11:20 AM): and its black.
kelly (2:11:26 AM): with depressing blue
kelly (2:11:37 AM): and my hair is black and i have a blue shirt.
kelly (2:11:40 AM): i am great.
kyle (2:12:11 AM): yes. yes you are.
kyle (2:12:23 AM): minus the whole being absent on your "best friend's" birthday thing.
kelly (2:12:28 AM): :-(
kyle (2:12:50 AM): well at least you can't break some else's hearts and their family's dreams at dinner, right?
kyle (2:13:05 AM): or have all of your exes show up to the party, right?
kelly (2:13:17 AM): ::siiiiiiiigh::
kyle (2:13:27 AM): or show up with another soon to be ex, late with no present and eat up all the pizza, right?
kyle (2:13:29 AM): 0:-)
kyle (2:13:37 AM): O:-)
kelly (2:13:47 AM): :,(
kyle (2:13:52 AM): aww.
kelly (2:13:56 AM): i cry backwards.
kyle (2:13:57 AM): me <3 you.
kyle (2:14:01 AM): you do.
kelly (2:14:02 AM): with one tear.
kelly (2:14:10 AM): how is it?
kelly (2:14:14 AM): :'(
kelly (2:14:16 AM): OH.
kyle (2:14:17 AM): who the fuck uses their left tear duct anymore anyway?
kelly (2:14:28 AM): i do muthafukkaaaaaaa
kelly (2:15:10 AM): ::left tear duct overload::
kelly (2:15:22 AM): ew imagine only crying from ONE eye. but like bawling.
kelly (2:15:24 AM): lmao0o0o
kyle (2:17:57 AM): lol
kyle (2:18:11 AM): the other eye stays mad dry.
kyle (2:18:17 AM): but like, crusts over.
kyle (2:18:24 AM): because of the lack of moisture action.
kelly (2:18:27 AM): aw.

Starving Artist Syndrome.

I guess I never really came down with SAS - Starving Artist Syndrome. I always just kinda was drawn to art - I liked it, I was good at it. I still am I suppose, I shouldn't use the past tense. But in all seriousness, I never really felt...I dunno. Whatever it is that it seems artists are "supposed" to feel. I don't get art shows. I obviously comprehend their purpose (to get people to see some damn art), but I don't really GET the performance piece or video installation or sole toothpick on a pedestal aspect of it.

That's the good and bad thing about art - it's a diverse medium. You can draw or paint or sculpt and all that shit. I draw and do photography. That's about the extent of it. It's funny that four years of concentrated art in an Art School (doesn't that sound so deliciously pretentious?) did not a whole lot toward nurturing my art. It made me kind of hate a lot of it actually.

Which is the point I'm ultimately getting at. I never really yearned for art, or lived for it...I just think it's cool. And I think I'm good at it. So I do it. But you won't catch me like, trying to make a sole means of income off of it...

This was going somewhere. I don't remember where now.

So much for 4 in the morning posts.

[artist me.]