Happy Birth...day... Mister... Presi...dent...

Whether I want to be or not, as of fifteen minutes ago, I am nineteen.



(This was about the only acceptable picture that encompassed one's 19th birthday on Google. The others...well, you google "nineteenth birthday" and see what comes up...you know, aside from the other pictures I'm about to use.)

Going through all of these pictures I Googled though, a thought hit me: there's a lot of shit I won't be getting this year. That includes:



cake. (And a brief story about this particular cake - YES, it's real! The woman whose cake this was made her 5-year-old son have a piece for breakfast. And he hated it. She then let him have a hot dog for breakfast instead. She's officially my favorite person ever now. I can't wait to do that with my kids on upcoming birthdays - FORCE THEM TO EAT CAKE FOR BREAKFAST ON MY BIRTHDAY! And then probably not let them do so on their own birthday. Mwahahahahahahaha. This, of course, assuming I even have kids...)



present(s). Yes, seriously.



cool hybrid cake-presents.



mid nineteenth-century silverware.



birthday parades. screw you, William Shakespeare.



Chris, singing to me in his spiffy little cute suit. You're off the hook...this year.

It's just as well I guess...right? I usually let somebody ruin my birthday, either by caring too much about whether or not their enjoying themselves or what-not, so someone probably would've tainted any of those things above anyway. But they'd still be nice...

So! A few other tidbits about my birthday to fill up the remaining 19 hours my friends have to ruin it! My birthday, April 13th, is also:

-the ides of April. Beware, folks. Beware. :-O
-Thai New Year.
-Cambodian New Year.
-Vaisakhi. (I dunno either.)
-Aerosmith Day in Massachusetts.

I also happen to celebrate my birthday with:



Thomas Jefferson (264 years old today!)



Caroline Rhea (43 years old today!)



Rick Schroder (37 years old today!)



Lou Bega (the Mambo #5 guy, people) (32 years old today!)



Kyle Howard (I LOVE his eyebrows.) (29 years old today!)



Nellie McKay (25 years old today!)



Kayla Sharon Porter (my twin sister) (19 years old today! Can you believe it?!)

Happy Birthday to all of these people I [always have to] share my [damn] birthday with. Let's all make an effort to make the best of it, ok?

24 Hours.

In exactly 24 hours and 10 minutes, I will be precisely 19 years old.

Just felt like stating that. :\

You Can Deal With Chris...

I'm a little annoyed at myself for being pretty involved in American Idol this year. I mean, in a way, it's kind of hard not to be seeing as how it's the #1 show in the country. And I guess "involved" is a pretty vague term, because I usually just pick a guy I think is hot and a girl I think is cute and go along with it. However, I have a tendency to pick the ones who are actually talented so there's reason to back them. I will admit, in the girls department, I haven't always been spot on (Jasmine Trias, any hardcore Idol fans?). However, I've yet to be wrong with the boys, and this year is no exception.

My cause for this year, as well as my future husband, is the scorchingly gorgeous Christopher Michael Richardson, born February 19, 1984. (Gotta love the stalkers over at Wikipedia.) The boy is beautiful. Have you seen the pictures? YOU HAVEN'T?! Don't worry, you'll agree with me in a moment.

If you read a bunch of reviews on the show, Chris tends to polarize people who watch - you either love him and sing his praises endlessly, or loathe him and use every chance possible to call him a nasally Justin Timberlake-wannabe. Is that seriously the only thing you can come up with? I mean, last time I checked, there are but so many types of singing voices, not to mention that almost everyone sounds the same when they sing (do you ever hear a Jamaican or British accent in some of today's songs?), so of course being a tenor "like Justin" the comparisons will be made. But I'm sorry if I think that Chris is a legitimately better singer. I mean, for one thing, he doesn't rely on the use of falsetto for an entire song. (He also doesn't use his next single to prove the mantra: "Don't cheat. Otherwise you'll end up in a fiery car crash. And presumably die.") He rarely ever relies on falsetto, he just happens to have a (FULL) higher pitched voice. And yet all of the Chris-bashers (an alarming amount of them female - angry lesbians much?) use these as their only point in his criticisms. He's nasal and he sounds like Justin Timberlake. You're whiny and you sound like a dumb bitch. Moving on.

Another blatantly obvious reason I support Mr. Richardson. You can deal with this:



...or you can deal with that:



You can deal with this:



...or you can deal with that:







Yes, Chris. I don't know what that is either. Now somebody tell me this man is not worthy of siring some sexy little babies with you. (Or me. Preferably me.)

So. In addition to his hottitude, fans seem to be very involved in Chris' personal life. From the speculation on the "girlfriend" (or "girlfriend: HAAAAAAAY!" ?) to his involvement with other AI contestants and M-list celebrities, none of the rumors are juicier or more fun to fantasize about than Cake.




Cake is the term coined for the relationship between Chris and fellow competitor/"friend" Blake Lewis. (Cake, in case you didn't catch on, being the combination of Chris and Blake. And although I'm all for the idea of Chris being single (so he can marry me! duh!), I actually don't mind their perfectly natural yet deliciously homoerotic friendship. In addition to being hotties, it's giving gay guys around the world more reason to love them.

Talented, boyfriend rumors, HOT like Phoenix in August...Chris definitely gets an A++ in my book. Now all I have to do is get him to marry me. Kyle-Steven Richardson...has a nice ring, doesn't it?



I second that hottie's opinion. ;)

Ice On My Toes And On My Fingers And I'm A Taurus Aries!

If you haven't caught on yet, my birthday is Friday. And in the US, most of the time Fridays means movie releases, so everyone can go waste their money on the weekend.

The following are the movies that are coming out on my birthday (more than any other date this month...yay me):





Now. A lot of these movies look bad. Like, REALLY FUCKING BAD. That doesn't mean I won't be looking forward to a few of them though. Perfect Stranger? Sign me up! (As long as I don't have to pay for it.) I also want to see Disturbia and possibly Lonely Hearts, as they seem to be the only ones on this list close enough to being legitimately good. I will, however, be seeing the movie being made for my favorite TV show, EVER.

Ok, maybe not EVER. That title goes to Invader ZIM.





ZIM was the story of a misanthropic alien (aren't they all?) who also happened to be a megalomaniac and an idiot. His mission was to take over the Earth. (again, aren't they all?) The problem was, he sucked at it. Badly. His idiot robot (which fanboys of the show to stupid to see it for all of it's brilliance peg as being the only reason the show was funny, even though it WASN'T the only reason by a long shot) didn't help matters either. Despite his seemingly lacking intelligence, I am obviously the human real-life equivalent of ZIM. The picture above shows what ZIM looked like on a regular basis. And this is what he looks like after his disguise:





(I kinda think he looks like me. :D)

The best part about it was, only one (well two I suppose, if you count Dib's sister) person was aware that ZIM was an alien, despite it being painfully obvious. With a generally misanthropic undertone, the endless exploitation of stupid people, bouts of randomness (which I live for), the twisted art and the even darker sense of humor, ZIM was the best show ever made, EVER. Unfortunately it aired on Nickelodeon and because it was a happy-go-lucky sponge who lived in fucking luau headgear, it was cancelled. Cartoon Network's [adult swim] tried to obtain the rights to air it, but Nickelodeon, probably seeing what [adult swim] did for Family Guy, didn't sell them the rights. In a way this irks me because all the potential for more brilliance was squandered, but I suppose it also maintains the integrity of the show by leaving it be.

Just a few more pics from the show:








If it's brilliance escapes you, I fear you have the brain worms. Hideous human pig smelly.

Anyway, with ZIM gone (but now on DVD! I have #1 and 3. Someone should get me #2. Do I hear birthday wish list?!), I moved on to Aqua Teen Hungerforce.





I can't really offer an intelligent explanation about the show, because really it can't be explained. And as I believe it says on their official site, if you have to ask what it's about, it's probably not a show for you. Anyway, the movie comes out on - surprise! - my birthday. I plan to go see it, even if half of Boston won't. (See what I'm talking about here.)






Will it be a crappy movie? Maybe. But as a true fan (and someone who's not really looking forward to my birthday), I plan to revel in it's possible crappiness.

Anyone care to join me?





Don't lie. Because if you do, they'll find you. And kick your ass. Check, check it.

Crusty Tear Ducts.

One of my best friends, Kelly, when joined with me, is stupid. Here's a conversation we had on AIM. (I'm changing our screen names...god knows we both don't need any more stalkers.) The funny part is, everything I mention with the birthday part is true.

kelly (2:11:17 AM): my page is so depressing i love it
kelly (2:11:20 AM): and its black.
kelly (2:11:26 AM): with depressing blue
kelly (2:11:37 AM): and my hair is black and i have a blue shirt.
kelly (2:11:40 AM): i am great.
kyle (2:12:11 AM): yes. yes you are.
kyle (2:12:23 AM): minus the whole being absent on your "best friend's" birthday thing.
kelly (2:12:28 AM): :-(
kyle (2:12:50 AM): well at least you can't break some else's hearts and their family's dreams at dinner, right?
kyle (2:13:05 AM): or have all of your exes show up to the party, right?
kelly (2:13:17 AM): ::siiiiiiiigh::
kyle (2:13:27 AM): or show up with another soon to be ex, late with no present and eat up all the pizza, right?
kyle (2:13:29 AM): 0:-)
kyle (2:13:37 AM): O:-)
kelly (2:13:47 AM): :,(
kyle (2:13:52 AM): aww.
kelly (2:13:56 AM): i cry backwards.
kyle (2:13:57 AM): me <3 you.
kyle (2:14:01 AM): you do.
kelly (2:14:02 AM): with one tear.
kelly (2:14:10 AM): how is it?
kelly (2:14:14 AM): :'(
kelly (2:14:16 AM): OH.
kyle (2:14:17 AM): who the fuck uses their left tear duct anymore anyway?
kelly (2:14:28 AM): i do muthafukkaaaaaaa
kelly (2:15:10 AM): ::left tear duct overload::
kelly (2:15:22 AM): ew imagine only crying from ONE eye. but like bawling.
kelly (2:15:24 AM): lmao0o0o
kyle (2:17:57 AM): lol
kyle (2:18:11 AM): the other eye stays mad dry.
kyle (2:18:17 AM): but like, crusts over.
kyle (2:18:24 AM): because of the lack of moisture action.
kelly (2:18:27 AM): aw.

Starving Artist Syndrome.

I guess I never really came down with SAS - Starving Artist Syndrome. I always just kinda was drawn to art - I liked it, I was good at it. I still am I suppose, I shouldn't use the past tense. But in all seriousness, I never really felt...I dunno. Whatever it is that it seems artists are "supposed" to feel. I don't get art shows. I obviously comprehend their purpose (to get people to see some damn art), but I don't really GET the performance piece or video installation or sole toothpick on a pedestal aspect of it.

That's the good and bad thing about art - it's a diverse medium. You can draw or paint or sculpt and all that shit. I draw and do photography. That's about the extent of it. It's funny that four years of concentrated art in an Art School (doesn't that sound so deliciously pretentious?) did not a whole lot toward nurturing my art. It made me kind of hate a lot of it actually.

Which is the point I'm ultimately getting at. I never really yearned for art, or lived for it...I just think it's cool. And I think I'm good at it. So I do it. But you won't catch me like, trying to make a sole means of income off of it...

This was going somewhere. I don't remember where now.

So much for 4 in the morning posts.

[artist me.]

He's Baaaaaaaaaack!

It's funny that a year ago today I started this blog. And sadly I've only completed 6 posts since, but hopefully things will change, as they already have in other areas.

I own my own laptop now, so the name Sidekick DJ may not be as relevant as before, seeing as how I'll be able to type blogs from my actual computer (assuming that my wireless internet connection allows me to). Although I lost the adapter to my turntables, so they're kind of useless without it...meaning that all of my DJ-ing of late (i.e., ZERO DJ-ing) has been on my Sidekick, so I suppose in that regard the name is still accurate.

Okay, I'm rambling. But cut me some slack, it's been a long day and it's 3 in the morning. I promise my blog entries will be sassy, saucy, snarky, sexy and smart...you just have to give me a little bit of time to ease back into them. Hopefully pictures will be accompanying them at some point, but let's not get too far ahead of ourselves! Before I hit the hay for the night, know this much has happened in the 12 or so months since you last heard from me:

-I graduated high school (on time last June) but am currently not in college. Yes, that's correct. I took a year off. BEST. DECISION. EVER.
-I still act.
-I still write.
-I'm still good at both of those. :)
-I'm writing a "TV show" that I'll get more in-depth about sometime this weekend, since we're filming the pilot for it. :)
-I've come to the realization that some people who were cool before are now assholes who should be mauled by pandas.
-I'm rooting for the Virginian to win American Idol again (last year it was Elliott Yamin, this year it's all about Chris Richardson)!
-I don't technically have a 9-5 job, but I do have two jobs nonetheless and I like them both. For the most part.
-I got out of the state for the first time in probably 2 years (to New Jersey - yeah, I know - big trek.)
-I was in the same room as My Husband (oh, you'll know who He is eventually), but didn't get properly introduced to Him...so instead I stole His water bottle that he drank from, and the ticket that He handed me to see this show (I was ushering), and the sign that said "reserved" in His seat. Next time, the gloves are off and I will fondle the man (appropriately) if I have to.
-Anything you can do, I can still do better. :P

That's it for now. You'll be hearing from me, watch. :D

Turn The Sun Down

My birthday is 3 weeks from today. My party is 2 weeks from tomorrow and I still haven't finished paying/planning/praying for it. School is just sucking increasingly more and more. The weather's going crazy, so crazy that apparently it's going to equal a hurricane for the city sometime within the next couple of years. And people are acting way too perky when I want to punch them in the face.

And the sun won't stop coming out. It's pissing me off.

Bring On The Handcuffs!

I don't have any minutes on my Sidekick, and I probably can't buy any more for a while despite getting my Tax Return check, because I have to pay for the Blue Party (which I'll explain at a later date). I'll also explain "Percival" at a later date, but the bell's about to ring and it's time for another gripe.

Because the authority figures at LaGuardia won't rest until our school has been entirely transformed into a prison, they're intending to add video surveillance cameras to the hallways to monitor the actions of students. Granted, there have been two trash can fires in the past week, but that's the most "exciting" incident that's happened here in all my years at LaGuardia. (Well, minus the whole bomb-threat, marijuana brownies, people that normally smoke in the bathroom and Meningitis outbreak). But come on, nobody walks around with weapons here, we don't have metal detectors (nor do we need them), and our classrooms still have windows, unlike a certain school across the street. On top of all this, the cameras are going to be hidden, so that students won't be able to tell whether they are or aren't on tape.

My main question: what the f**k? Seriously. In a post-9/11 world (and I'm sorry I'm getting all political here), some people are already paranoid enough, and that's without people that fear the government monitoring our every action. So why start that business in school, where we spend most of our day anyway? This year has been one bad idea after another, first adding 3 minutes to the official attendance period last term, then an additional ten minutes to the entire day. The cell phone policy put simply is assinine, considering that if a cell phone is confiscated a parental unit must come in to claim the device. Many people have parental units that WORK during the day so that they and their families can LIVE, so how does it make sense that they should be prevented from sustaining a living to pick up a device that is almost essential in today's world? To go even further, until the phone is returned to the student, they are without a means of communication to whomever they need to communicate with. This could cause minor problems such as not being able to pick up a loaf of bread from the bodega because you didn't get your text message, or it can (God forbid) go so far as to not being able to know a family member died because YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR PHONE.

I really can't wait to see how much further they'll go to butcher our rights. Bring on the orange jumpsuits!

Cupcake Mountain Cater-Waiter and The Drunken Mexicano

For the record, because the school won't be content until absolutely everyone is miserable, I may be asked to stop this entry mid-way due to lack of space in the computer lab. But that's not important right now.

Last night was spectacular.

I don't even think anybody says "spectacular" anymore, but that's how amazing it was. (That, and people use the word "amazing" too much and it irritates me. I am an individual, I use my own words.)

So on Wednesday MCC (one of my extra-curricular programs) tells me that they're annual benefit is Monday the 13th, and that Bernie and Will, two of the three extremely important head honcho-like people, have asked me to open the entire night with a monologue that I wrote. And the benefit is being held at the Hammerstein Ballroom.

The fricking Hammerstein Ballroom. And they want me to go onstage. By myself. To open the entire night.

INSANITY.

So of course Sunday night, I miraculously remember at like 1 in the morning that I'm supposed to be opening the Hammerstein Ballroom benefit the next night. And it's supposed to be memorized.

Crap.

I spend about 20 minutes after I get out of school yesterday attempting to memorize the monologue. Luckilly Katie tells me the monologue "isn't really me" (MCC-speak for "are you f***ing kidding? You can do better.") so I revise the monologue and they love it and thankfully I don't have to memorize it. :) I end up sitting at an actual numbered table (where they were served real FOOD - and RICH PEOPLE food at that) and enjoying the night in the main area instead of being shuttled off to the side.

The performances and benefit itself: wonderful. But not what I'm going to talk about right now. I'll try and go through the main three highlights of my night.

Sorry. Four. The main four highlights of my night.

1: I got out of school at 2:30-ish yesterday (conference day, the last shred of hope for us LaGuardians) and ended up getting down there at 3. We weren't scheduled to be there 'til around 5, open the night at around 7, and the benefit wasn't to start until 8-ish. So I got there before everything was all prettified, and everybody's setting up for the evening's events. While waiting upstairs near the green room, the most ridiculously beautiful man I've probably seen all year begins to set up a bartending table outside on the balcony, roughly 10 feet away from me. I really don't think you understand what I mean by "ridiculously beautiful": the man was gorgeous. BEYOND gorgeous. Dirty blond buzz-cut, blue eyes, muscular body (and symmetrically muscular at that) accentuated by the tight white muscle shirt he was wearing. The definition of beauty, times thirteen. He ended up guarding the mountain of cupcakes they had set up at the beginning of the night in place of an ice sculpture or whatever the gorgeous main piece is when you first walk in to a ritzy event like this. Though as beautiful as he was, he definitely could have been the gorgeous main piece. After they disassembled the mountain, he began to be one of the cater-waiters and considering our table was near the kitchen, he walked by a countless amount of times, along with all the other hot cater-waiters. You would've thought they were serving beefcake for dinner & dessert. *obnoxious rich person laugh*

2: Did you hear me mention the cupcake mountain? Because that was definitely the dessert, and I kid you not, it was the BEST DAMN CAKE I HAVE EVER EATEN, EVER. I swear, it was like there was a party in my mouth, and nobody was invited. I had 2 and a half servings also, which I'm sure is waaaaay too much euphoria for one person to receive in one sitting, so I was ecstatic the rest of the night. :)

3: At ritzy benefits where they serve you strange looking hors d'oeuvres that you can't pronounce and most of them taste really bad but you eat them anyway and then there's usually one BEYOND delicious one that everyone keeps eating so that the cater-waiter that gets stuck with that is afraid to come by for fear of being mauled, there are usually ritzy gift bags filled with extravagant gifts! Last night's gift bag (one of the best ones I've ever received at any of the 10 or so benefits I've been to in the past couple of years) included a DVD (either "Monster In Law", "Wedding Crashers", "The Notebook" or "Raise Your Voice" - I ended up with "Monster In Law"), a Kenneth Cole fragrance (I got BLACK! I LOVE BLACK! I bought a bottle of black for $45 a couple of years ago and lost it, so I'm sooooo happy I have a brand-new bottle!), and a bunch of other stuff I didn't really pay attention to!

4: Probably the best part of the night though was Percival. (His name is NOT Percival - is anyone even named Percival anymore? - but for fear of someone important pertaining to Percival reading this, his name is Percival in this entry.) The bell's about to ring so I can't delve into the main details about it, but the next entry is definitely devoted to him. ;) Until next time...

The Awkward Fart Question

So I went down to the LGBQT Center on 12th Street with Holland today, to take part in youth peer discussion. Boy was it awkward. First off, being that we only knew one another, it wasn't exactly easy to just hop in and befriend everyone. Especially considering most of them seemed to already know each other and didn't make too much of a large effort to get to know us. Secondly, some of the people had ridiculously over-the-top personalities, which was more intimidating. I know I can be a tad obnoxious every once in a while, but I try to make it the welcoming kind of obnoxious where I don't exclude new people from whatever it was/is that they're...in. Probably the most awkward thing (well, second most awkward, since being eyed, looked up-and-down, ogled, glared at or any combination of the former) was the "ice-breaker" question, which was if you could have your farts smell like anything, what would you want it to smell like?

?!

I said lemons. Whatever.

Caroted Kumquat

I'm pretty sure I hate school now.

The people have always been kind of irritating. There are exceptions, like my friends, but in general many LaGuardia students are just really REALLY obnoxious. On top of that they're unneccesary. How can you be obnoxious and unneccesary? That defeats what little purpose you had, if any.

Anyhow, Yoga is a pain in the ass. I signed up for it thinking it would be relaxing yet beneficial, and I could make up the gym credit I owe. I didn't know LaGuardia's definition of "relaxing" was working your body to near-collapsing points and leaving class every day sore and in pain by only 9:45 in the morning. I also signed up for Journalism, thinking that it might be a class of intrigue. Again, I didn't know LaGuardia had a different definition of "intrigue", entailing the largest amount of work I think I've ever done in any class during my entire academic career. For kids like me who are on the fence about REALLY wanting to go to college, they're doing a bad job of encouraging us.

So now I'm left with seeking refuge in the computer lab 4th period. This may have to change soon for two reasons though. I may need to switch Yoga to 4th period so I can prevent becoming a super-senior (any combination of 15 unprepareds - latenesses and absences count toward this - means that you fail the class for the semester. I already have 7, and it's only March 9th. I have 4 more months to go, plus a couple of days. This has got to be a formula for impending unhappiness.) I also may need to just not write blogs in school, since the BOE is now banning virtually every website in existence (like MySpace). Granted, some people allow themselves to get distracted too easily with that, and some people are just stupid and get kidnapped and raped (can I even say these kinds of things, or will this soon too be banned?) but I'm not one of them, and neither are a lot of other people. Group suffering for a minute number of individuals' stupidity. Gotta love the school system's interpretation of the First Amendment.

Ugh, I'm getting political now. Let me just stop before I end up writing something that could get this site taken away from us also. (Though I bet it's only a matter of time before it is anyway.)

So...yeah.

So...yeah. I decided to make a blog here, since just about all my other blogs give me trouble when I try to write in them. Chances are I'll mostly be writing here when I'm bored out of my mind in school or when I'm on the bus via my sidekick, but we'll just have to see. I'm gonna hit the hay now. ;)