pandas. bitch. run. now.

pandas. bitch. run. now.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Cupcake Mountain Cater-Waiter and The Drunken Mexicano

For the record, because the school won't be content until absolutely everyone is miserable, I may be asked to stop this entry mid-way due to lack of space in the computer lab. But that's not important right now.

Last night was spectacular.

I don't even think anybody says "spectacular" anymore, but that's how amazing it was. (That, and people use the word "amazing" too much and it irritates me. I am an individual, I use my own words.)

So on Wednesday MCC (one of my extra-curricular programs) tells me that they're annual benefit is Monday the 13th, and that Bernie and Will, two of the three extremely important head honcho-like people, have asked me to open the entire night with a monologue that I wrote. And the benefit is being held at the Hammerstein Ballroom.

The fricking Hammerstein Ballroom. And they want me to go onstage. By myself. To open the entire night.


So of course Sunday night, I miraculously remember at like 1 in the morning that I'm supposed to be opening the Hammerstein Ballroom benefit the next night. And it's supposed to be memorized.


I spend about 20 minutes after I get out of school yesterday attempting to memorize the monologue. Luckilly Katie tells me the monologue "isn't really me" (MCC-speak for "are you f***ing kidding? You can do better.") so I revise the monologue and they love it and thankfully I don't have to memorize it. :) I end up sitting at an actual numbered table (where they were served real FOOD - and RICH PEOPLE food at that) and enjoying the night in the main area instead of being shuttled off to the side.

The performances and benefit itself: wonderful. But not what I'm going to talk about right now. I'll try and go through the main three highlights of my night.

Sorry. Four. The main four highlights of my night.

1: I got out of school at 2:30-ish yesterday (conference day, the last shred of hope for us LaGuardians) and ended up getting down there at 3. We weren't scheduled to be there 'til around 5, open the night at around 7, and the benefit wasn't to start until 8-ish. So I got there before everything was all prettified, and everybody's setting up for the evening's events. While waiting upstairs near the green room, the most ridiculously beautiful man I've probably seen all year begins to set up a bartending table outside on the balcony, roughly 10 feet away from me. I really don't think you understand what I mean by "ridiculously beautiful": the man was gorgeous. BEYOND gorgeous. Dirty blond buzz-cut, blue eyes, muscular body (and symmetrically muscular at that) accentuated by the tight white muscle shirt he was wearing. The definition of beauty, times thirteen. He ended up guarding the mountain of cupcakes they had set up at the beginning of the night in place of an ice sculpture or whatever the gorgeous main piece is when you first walk in to a ritzy event like this. Though as beautiful as he was, he definitely could have been the gorgeous main piece. After they disassembled the mountain, he began to be one of the cater-waiters and considering our table was near the kitchen, he walked by a countless amount of times, along with all the other hot cater-waiters. You would've thought they were serving beefcake for dinner & dessert. *obnoxious rich person laugh*

2: Did you hear me mention the cupcake mountain? Because that was definitely the dessert, and I kid you not, it was the BEST DAMN CAKE I HAVE EVER EATEN, EVER. I swear, it was like there was a party in my mouth, and nobody was invited. I had 2 and a half servings also, which I'm sure is waaaaay too much euphoria for one person to receive in one sitting, so I was ecstatic the rest of the night. :)

3: At ritzy benefits where they serve you strange looking hors d'oeuvres that you can't pronounce and most of them taste really bad but you eat them anyway and then there's usually one BEYOND delicious one that everyone keeps eating so that the cater-waiter that gets stuck with that is afraid to come by for fear of being mauled, there are usually ritzy gift bags filled with extravagant gifts! Last night's gift bag (one of the best ones I've ever received at any of the 10 or so benefits I've been to in the past couple of years) included a DVD (either "Monster In Law", "Wedding Crashers", "The Notebook" or "Raise Your Voice" - I ended up with "Monster In Law"), a Kenneth Cole fragrance (I got BLACK! I LOVE BLACK! I bought a bottle of black for $45 a couple of years ago and lost it, so I'm sooooo happy I have a brand-new bottle!), and a bunch of other stuff I didn't really pay attention to!

4: Probably the best part of the night though was Percival. (His name is NOT Percival - is anyone even named Percival anymore? - but for fear of someone important pertaining to Percival reading this, his name is Percival in this entry.) The bell's about to ring so I can't delve into the main details about it, but the next entry is definitely devoted to him. ;) Until next time...

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